Daily Painting

Week 4

Elysium is a myth. One does not overcome an obstacle to enter the land of no obstacles.

On the contrary, the more you accomplish, the more things will stand in your way. There are always more obstacles, bigger challenges. You’re always fighting uphill. Get used to it and train accordingly.

Ryan Holiday, The Obstacle is the Way

For 20 years I’ve been a consistent runner. I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to be a beginner. I’ve mostly forgotten what it’s like to have side aches, or to have muscles bewildered with their new task. My tight hamstrings and tough quads are proof. It’s the given in my life. I don’t question it or fight to get out the door. The thought of giving up?

Never.

Not an option.

My painting muscles, on the other hand, are going through all the mental and strength battles that plague the beginner.

This week, even to the last day, tested my metal.

Resistance wasn’t an identifiable character I could write about and move past.

I simply didn’t want to paint.

Am I lazy? Am I burned out? Am I just experiencing beginner’s fatigue?

I’m not sure.

I can say that I finished what I set out to do.

I was in the studio every week day of January.

The first two days of this week were easy. I was up against a deadline for interior design renderings. I had something pushing me.

{Design by the talented Holly Bellomy}

On Wednesday when they shipped, however, I found every other thing I could do besides be in the studio. 7 PM rolled around, and I finally made myself go upstairs and create a line drawing.

It’s so funny. The battle of “should I or shouldn’t I” was causing all the the anguish. Once I started drawing, I relaxed and felt creativity flow. I hoped I had worked through my resistance.

But Thursday was even harder.

I had the time but it feel heavy just squirting out the paint. I walked away frequently, trying to create some energy with snacks or doing something physical, like feeding the horses or doing laundry. Was the large painting getting to me? I don’t know. I just knew it was the last day and I couldn’t fall short of my goal.

I finally did what all my years as an athlete have taught me to do. I shut my brain off completely, ran into the studio, and started putting on paint.

There’s always a question of what to do with the negative space in paintings. How do you make it beautiful while not distracting from the focal points? As I struggled pushing the paint around, it occurred to me that the negative spaces could turn into their own abstract paintings.

What if I viewed each area as its own painting, while keeping it subdued?

While I felt my execution was abysmal, I realized I had had a mental breakthrough in one of the toughest times of painting. I had made a connection that wasn’t there before.

Maybe it’s cold

And maybe you’re tired.

And maybe the road is long.

But maybe conditions like these are required.

To birth your most beautiful song.

-Dallas Clayton

So here I sit on Friday, satisfied that I hit my goal.

The still-life is going to be put away for awhile so I can go back to a smaller format and different subjects. Still-lifes make studying easy, but I don’t know that they are my thing.

I added five new pieces to my online shop, which far surpassed my goal of one.

Today I am going to sketch out the idea I have for a painting over my mantel. I may relax by creating an abstract. I also want to spend some time celebrating this little win.

Celebrating isn’t something I’m accustomed to doing, but as I get older, I am realizing how important it is. I hope it gives me a brief reprieve for my upcoming battles.

Time moves on relentlessly. It’s only going to get harder, and my painting resolve is light years away from my running resolve. In other words, I’m still weak, but the task is still the same.

Paint every day.

Find my art.

Use my God-given talent, so matter where it leads.